Rest for the Weary
by Angranse
Summary: HP/Naruto crossover. Harry Potter had thought that the Shinobi Continent would be a good place for a nice, relaxing vacation, far away from the constant chaos that seemed to dog his steps. In retrospect, it was a really, really bad idea.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Kakashi would be the first to admit that those that felt called to the ninja career path often came with certain – eccentricities. He would even be prepared to admit that Konoha might have rather more of their fair share of – _unusual_ – people.

He had occasionally heard people suggest that he should be counted among those ranks. He wasn't sure why.

Over the years, he had developed a sort of sixth sense for the crazies. Not the psychopaths – they were usually easy enough to spot. It was the well-meaning ones you wanted to watch out for, the ones who left trails of chaos and destruction in their wake and looked around with a bemused expression at the end.

His own former Genin team sprung immediately to mind, but he dismissed the thought as unworthy of him.

The boy who came strolling into Konoha one fine morning just before the Chuunin exams set all of Kakashi's hard earned instincts alight. He didn't look like much. He wore patched black trousers and the bottom of his shirt stuck out from under what looked like a hand knitted navy sweater. He pushed his glasses further up his nose and shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked, slouching a little. He couldn't have been more than eighteen, and Kakashi couldn't decide whether he looked like he had escaped from a library or an orphanage.

Yet, there was _something_… It wasn't the way he looked, or acted, or spoke, from what Kakashi could see from his comfortable seat on top of his house, but everything Kakashi had learnt over a long and illustrious shinobi career told him this kid was trouble.

He was about to stand to go and warn the Hokage, when he happened to glance down at the latest volume of the Icha Icha series, still open in his hand.

_Slowly, the busty blonde slipped one strap down her shoulder, baring yet more smooth, silky skin…_

Well. There was no hurry, after all. Perhaps at the end of this chapter.

---

Harry ached. His arms ached and his legs ached and raw scar across his chest ached and altogether this was not the holiday he had been planning. Really, what had he been thinking? Considering the last time he had been here he had gotten his arse kicked by some guy called Orochimaru, he should have expected that the other inhabitants of this hidden continent would be just as dangerous.

Harry grimaced at the memory of that unfortunate mission. Well, perhaps unfortunate wasn't quite the right word. It had been successful, after all. He, Ron and Hermione had managed to infiltrate the snake-summoner's lair, trick him into summoning Nagini, kill Nagini and high-tail it out of there. Unfortunately, Orochimaru had also summoned a lot of other snakes, including one larger than Slytherin's basilisk, and had proven to be extremely adept at both magical and physical combat.

Their retreat had been slightly more exciting than Harry preferred.

Stretching his arms above his head to try and work out some of the bruises, Harry noticed the inn the guard at the gate had recommended was just up ahead. Finally! He really needed a long, hot bath.

Hastening his steps, Harry had soon negotiated to rent a room for a week from the bored looked older woman at the front desk. Taking his key, he hurried upstairs to find his room. Standing at the beginning of the hallway, he sighed. Of course, the room numbers would be in Japanese. While Harry's spoken Japanese was fluent, if accented, his reading comprehension was rather less reliable.

He paced the length of the hallway, trying to work out which way the numbers went. Why couldn't rooms 1 to 5 be on this hallway? Those were the only numbers he knew. He peered more closely at the numbers. He needed room 14, so…

"There!" he exclaimed loudly, then winced at the volume. The room two doors from the end had a squiggle that looked to Harry to be a four as part of the number. Harry figured he'd take his chances on that being it.

He was heading towards the door when one of the doors he was passing and someone stormed out, knocking him into the wall. Harry soon found himself pinned to a wall by a fierce looking boy of about sixteen. Harry stared at him, wide-eyed. Were all ninjas this quick to pick a fight?

"Um, excuse me?" Harry said. "What the hell are you doing?"

The boy sneered. "A foreigner, huh?"

Harry was a little bit annoyed that his accent was that bad, but he could hardly blame the boy for that. "Yes, actually," he said politely. "I just arrived today."

"That's no excuse," the boy said, tightening his grip on Harry's throat. Harry was beginning to wonder if he should do something about that. The kid wasn't a threat, really, but it went against the grain to let someone who only came up to his shoulder push him around. "You'd better learn the rules real quick, if you don't want your travels cut real short." The boy laughed unpleasantly, as if he thought that was a witty threat. "We don't like to be disturbed, get it? If you're going to stay here, you'd better stay out of our way and be as quiet as a mouse."

Harry bit back a sigh. "Look," he said tiredly. "I don't know who you are and I don't really care. I've had a long day, and-" he was interrupted by the boy punching him hard in the stomach.

The boy yelped, and released him, shaking his hand out. Harry rolled his eyes. The boy had hit the iron-hard physical and magical shield Harry kept a few millimetres above his skin at all times, bound by runes cut into his skin. The boy was clearly regretting it. The shield was the most advanced anti-assassination shield in existence, and considering Harry had had at least one, and up to as many as five, assassination attempts made on him every week for the last four years, he really needed it. It wouldn't stand up to a battle, but it would block the first few attacks, and give Harry time to put up a stronger shield.

In honesty, the boy did recover admirably, pulling out one of those nasty throwing knives ninjas seemed so fond of. Harry could understand why. They hurt like buggery, as he had discovered in Orochimaru's lair.

"I'm a ninja of Rain, here to take the Chuunin exam," the boy hissed. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

It was true. Harry didn't know, and to be honest, he didn't really care. Irritated now, as well as tired, he snapped back, "Really, small children like you should respect their elders and betters."

The next few things happened nearly simultaneously. The boy threw the knife. Harry deflected it with slightly more force than necessary and it ended up buried to the hilt in the wall behind the boy. Then he stepped forward, punched the boy with magically enhanced strength, shoved him back into the room and slammed and locked the door.

Then he ran like hell. The last thing he needed was a real fight on his first day here, and anyway, ninjas were creepy, and far too much like the assassins that annoyed Harry on a regular basis for him to appreciate their unique skills.

Since a strategic retreat was clearly necessary, Harry apparated up to the roof with a soft pop. There were no stairs up here, so hopefully no one would disturb him. He looked around, and seeing no one in sight lay down on the far side of the sloped roof, sighing in pleasure at the warm sunlight. Soon his eyes began to grow heavy, and he relaxed, letting himself doze.

Harry's very pleasant relaxation time was interrupted when something large and heavy landed on his stomach. Harry sat bolt upright, wand springing to his hand and spells to his tongue, and mentally thanked Hermione again for his shield. It was getting a lot of use today.

Looking around, he saw a boy lying bound and gagged a little way from him, struggling furiously. Harry scratched his head and looked around. The boy clearly couldn't move, so how had he landed on Harry? Perhaps he had been dropped? But Harry couldn't see anyone else around.

Then Harry happened to glance at his wand, and realized what must have happened. "Oh. Oops," he said quietly, and went over to release the boy who had gotten on the bad side of a highly trained wizard's ingrained reflexes.

Dragging himself to his feet with a sigh, and thinking mournfully of his nice, peaceful holiday, Harry went over and ungagged the blond haired kid, only to be subjected to a string of curses that would make a sailor blush.

Harry sat patiently and waited till the kid had run out of words, then he added a few more.

The kid stared at him, wide-eyed. "That's… really disgusting," he said, sounding impressed.

Harry nodded gravely. "Your one about the slugs and the kidneys was pretty good, too. Now, would you mind telling me why you jumped on me? I was having a very nice nap, you know."

The kid immediately scowled. "Jumped on you? You were the one who got in my way. Everyone knows that this roof is safe to travel on. You shouldn't just be lying around on it," he said heatedly.

"Safe to travel?" Harry asked doubtfully. "Is jumping from roof to roof a very common way to travel here?"

The kid gave him a withering look. "Well, _obviously_," he said. "What rock have you been hiding under? Haven't you ever seen a ninja before?"

Harry cuffed him lightly on the side of the head. "Man, children here are so rude-"

"I'M NOT A CHILD!" the kid yelled, and Harry winced at the volume.

"Sure, sure," he said indifferently. "So what, you're some kind of ninja? Aren't you a bit small?"

The kid looked extremely offended. "Hey, I'm a ninja of the Hidden Village of the Leaf! So you'd better untie me, or you'll be in big trouble."

Harry looked at him thoughtfully. "Really? I'll be sure to watch out for it, then. Thanks for the warning." Then he levitated the kid with a flick of his wand, and hung him upside down from the inn's sign, ignoring the kid's screams of protest.

He stood on the edge of the roof, looking down at the yelling kid, who was promising him many slow and painful deaths, and considered it a job well done. Then he apparated back into the building, straight into the room he thought must be his this time, and hoped the quiet pop wouldn't signal his location to any of the enemies he'd made today.

Thankfully, the room seemed empty, so he assumed it must be his. After investigating the room thoroughly, he cast a longing look at the bed (wonderful, glorious sleep!) but instead gave a deep sigh and sat down cross-legged in the centre of the floor, taking out his wand. With so many hot-tempered people around, he figured he'd better put up stronger wards than the usual Proximity/Locking/Stalling combination.

He shook his head a bit at his dramatics. _Ah, poor wee Harry_, he mocked himself. _Even on holiday, the work of an Auror is never done_.

He smiled, then pushed all his distractions aside, settled down and got to work.

* * *

_A/N: All comments and criticism welcomed with open arms, as always._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Harry woke slowly the next day, savouring the lack of panicking subordinates, officious superiors, dangerous assassins, large explosions, wild escaped animals and other annoying events he had usually been woken by as a commanding officer in the now officially disbanded Alliance of Light.

The Alliance of Light had been the official name for the combined armies of the Ministry, Order of the Phoenix, Defence Association and various other smaller, militantly light-aligned groups. Harry had been the commander of the Defence Association (and still was, though they had sworn up and down to the Ministry that they had disbanded), and he had come to the conclusion that keeping wizards in line was very similar to corralling cats. Forget Voldemort – it was keeping the Alliance of Light from falling into all out civil war that had taken years off his life.

Harry had tried to take holidays before, especially since he started working with the new Ministry, but they had all turned out fairly disastrously. It seemed that he couldn't outrun DA business no matter how hard he tried. That was why he had finally gone to the Head of the Monks of the Order of the Elemental Dragon, who he had come to know in his hunt for the last horcrux, and begged for his help. Master Ryoga had been sympathetic, if amused, and had granted him passage to the Hidden Continent. For the second time, and if it ever became public knowledge half the Asian ministries would be up in arms, and the other half would be plotting how to get access for themselves.

Harry sighed deeply, staring up at the ceiling. In retrospect, he was thinking he might have made a big mistake.

Then he scowled, and threw off the covers. No. This _was_ a good idea, because he was in another dimension, a long way from the chaos that was the DA, and he _was _going to have a fun, peaceful holiday. He'd heard there were some hot springs nearby – he might try them. That would be relaxing.

Mustering his determination, Harry got out of bed and got ready to face the new day.

By the time Harry made it outside, it was late morning, and he decided that he might as well just wander around the village and take in the sights. He glanced up as he left the inn, and saw with relief that the kid from yesterday had escaped. He had assumed the kid would be able to, because despite his taunting, Harry knew a ninja when he saw one. Still, he'd have felt guilty if the boy had been stuck there all night.

As Harry wandered the streets of Konoha, he was reassured by the normality of the people he saw. He saw children playing tag in the street, old men and women gossiping and playing games on their verandas, and people of all ages in between going about their daily lives.

It was reassuring. Harry knew this was one of the ninja villages – he'd had to forge papers to get in – but it was reassuring to know that not everyone here was violent and/or weird.

The few hours before lunch passed peacefully, as Harry admired the architecture and browsed the shops' wares. He finally found himself facing the mountain that Konoha backed onto, and stopped, taking in the view. It was amazing. Five huge faces had been carved into the stone, and Harry wondered who could be so important that they would overshadow the entire village.

Harry glanced down from the giant faces, just in time to see a boy in a skin-tight green bodysuit come running by on his hands. Skin-tight. Green. Body suit. Harry blinked, and took off his glasses in order to rub his eyes. When he put his glasses back on, the green boy had been joined by a green man, who was carrying a stopwatch.

"34 minutes and 22 seconds, Lee!" the green man said in utter despair. "A whole four minutes and 49 seconds slower than your best time! Has the power of your youth failed you?"

"Gai-sensei," the boy cried, tears streaming down his face as he flipped back to his feet. "I ran into a girl on the street, and my sense of honour wouldn't allow me to leave without apologising and helping her up. I will definitely do one thousand one fingered push ups to make up for my failure!"

"Lee," the man gasped. "It was your chivalrous nature that made you slow? I was wrong. I take back my cruel and churlish words!" Tears were now streaming down both of their faces.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

Harry felt faintly nauseous, and finally managed to tear his eyes away from the morbidly fascinating scene. He began to back away slowly, even though everyone else seemed to be ignoring the green pair. Once he was around the corner, he turned and ran.

He ended up outside some sort of outside food stand, panting a bit. That, he thought to himself, had possibly been the most downright bizarre thing he had ever seen. And Harry was a wizard. Wizards had made an art out of weirdness. Perhaps it was the magic? They called it chakra here, but from what Harry could see it was the same thing. Perhaps it somehow warped users' minds?

Harry ducked into the stall. He couldn't read the sign, so he didn't know what it sold, but he really need to sit down for a while to recover from that traumatic scene. He sat down heavily on one of the stools at the bar, and an older man came bustling over.

"What can I get for you, sir?" he smiled. Harry stared at him blankly.

"Um," he said, mind still not working. "Oh, what do you have?"

"We have ramen in all varieties," the man said cheerfully. "Miso, beef, pork-"

"Beef sounds fine," Harry cut him off. "Thanks."

"Coming right up!"

Harry stared at the bench top, beginning to recover from his shock. The voice of one of the other customers caught his attention – it was certainly loud enough. Harry began listening in.

"- and then I was just running along when I ran into this weird scruffy looking guy who tied me up and hung me from an inn sign!" the customer was exclaiming indignantly, and then he paused. "Actually, I'm not quite sure how he did that. Some sort of weird chakra manipulation," he dismissed the issue with. "And he vanished afterwards too."

"Vanished?" the customer's companion asked, sounding concerned. "Was he a shinobi?"

"No way! He was way too annoying to be a shinobi," the customer said loudly. "And he said I was too short to be a ninja!"

Harry sighed. Clearly, it was going to be one of those days.

"Here you go," the old man who ran the store said easily, delivering Harry's bowl of ramen.

"Ah, thanks," Harry said absently, and snapped his chopsticks apart. Then he paused, as he remembered just how bad he was at eating with chopsticks, and shrugged. He arranged the chopsticks in his right hand, then carefully, biting his lip, he dipped them into the bowl of ramen. When he had managed to get a grip on a few noodles, he lifted the chopsticks, only to see them twist in his hand and the noodles go sliding back into the bowl with a plop and a splash.

Harry sighed sadly. Why wasn't there a dimension somewhere that only ate Italian food? Pizza was so much easier to eat than this.

Harry tried again, and again, and had finally managed to get some noodles to his mouth when a loud voice startled him.

"Ha, are you stupid? You can't even eat properly!" the customer to Harry's right exclaimed, pointing at him.

Harry's start meant his grip slipped, and his delicious smelling noodles slipped back into the bowl. Harry closed his eyes and prayed for patience.

The chopsticks clicked on the table as he slammed them down and turned to glare ferociously at the boy.

"Ahhh!" the boy yelled. "You! Scruffy glasses guy! What are you doing at my ramen stand?"

"It's not your ramen stand, idiot! I bought this ramen fair and square, so let me eat it in peace!" Harry snapped back.

"You can't even use chopsticks properly!"

"You don't watch where you're going when you run!"

"Tramp!"

"Blondie!"

"Idiot!"

"Brat!"

They stopped, glaring at each other, until Harry gradually became aware of the silence. He glanced around to see everyone at the stand staring at them. The kid's companion, a young man with a high bushy ponytail and a scar across his nose, was visibly sweating.

"Ah. Ahahaha. Oops?" Harry tried. The observers continued to stare, and he turned abruptly back to his ramen, avoiding looking at the kid and muttering unintelligibly to himself.

_Honestly,_ he thought, _this is definitely all that kid's fault. Somehow. _He repressed the urge to laugh out loud. Perhaps this holiday wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Um, excuse me," the kid's companion said faintly from the side. "Do you two know each other?"

"That's the bastard who tied me up and hung me from the sign!" the kid said before Harry could get a word in.

"Oh," the man said. He looked from Harry to the boy and back again. "Um, I'm Umino Iruka. It's nice to meet you."

"Iruka-sensei!" the boy wailed, and Harry hid a smile, before turning to Iruka.

"You too, Umino-san," he said. "I'm Potter Harry."

"Oh, Iruka is fine," Iruka said, and then a little sheepishly, "I hope Naruto didn't cause you too much trouble."

"_Iruka-sensei!_"

"Yes, Naruto?"

Harry simply sat back and admired Iruka's technique. That level of charming, non-comprehending innocence must have taken years to perfect.

"Oh, not at all," Harry replied to Iruka's question. "It's always nice to meet local people when you arrive at a new place."

"Do you travel a lot?" Iruka asked.

"Yes," Harry said. "I couldn't bear to be tied down to one place." This was about as true as Iruka's questions were innocent. That is, not at all.

"And what brings you to Konoha?"

Harry laughed sheepishly. "Well, that's a story, actually. I was trying to get to Kashiwa."

Iruka's eyebrows rose. "That's a long way from Konoha," he said, a vaguely suspicious look in his eyes.

Harry grimaced. "Tell me about it," he sighed. "But, you know, the road of life leads ever on, and never in the direction you expect it to."

Both Iruka and the Naruto kid were giving him strange looks.

Then, "LIAR!" Naruto shouted. "You're a worse liar than Kakashi-sensei! You just got lost, didn't you?"

"So I'm not too good at reading signs. Is that a crime?"

"I… see," Iruka said slowly. "Do things like that happen to you often, Harry-san?"

Harry let his shoulders slump. "All the time. It's never my fault, though," he hastened to add. "Things just happen to me."

"Like not being able to tell the difference between Kashiwa and Konoha?" Naruto asked, and Harry glared at him.

Iruka hastened to avert the looming argument, casting about for a neutral topic. "So… are you a ninja?" he blurted out, then groaned at ruining his previously very professional interrogation.

Harry grinned, and mentally patted himself on the back. His anti-interrogation techniques were first class.

"No, no," he said. "Far too violent for my tastes. I'm a pacifist at heart, you know."

"LIAR!" Naruto shouted. It seemed to be an ingrained reflex.

Harry only smiled and turned back to his ramen. Deciding to give up on the foreign eating utensils, he rummaged round in one of his bottomless pouches, and finally emerged triumphant with a fork.

"Mmm, smells good," he said happily, and dug in.

Finally, Harry finished the large bowl of ramen and sat back with a contented sigh. He glanced over at Iruka and Naruto, and his jaw dropped open.

"What- how-" he stammered. "_How the hell did you fit all that in your stomach?_"

Naruto glanced up from his seventh bowl of ramen and gave him a blank look. "Huh?"

Beside him, Iruka was looking fairly shell-shocked himself, and staring mournfully at the contents of his purse. "I know it must have been hard, doing without Ichiraku Ramen for two and a half years, but you don't have to eat two-and-a-half years' worth of ramen at once to make up for it," he said quietly to Naruto.

Naruto banged his empty bowl down on the counter. "More please!" he sang out, and Iruka put his head in his hands.

"Never mind," Harry muttered, standing and putting down the money for his meal. "Nice to meet you, Iruka-san. Try not to explode, Naruto." He left Naruto to his ramen and Iruka to his misery and headed out to do some more sight-seeing.

* * *

_A/N: If anyone has anything they'd like to see in this story, I'm always open to suggestions. I may not take them, but. Eh. Any feedback is appreciated, anyway._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It was perhaps a little worrying just how fast Harry adjusted to Konoha. Within three days, he could walk past women in see-through fishnet body-stockings or ninjas summoning water dragons without even blinking. Really, it had nothing on bottom-eating toilets and Canary Creams. And the fishnet body-stockings were a damn sight better than the old wizards who insisted on wearing nothing under their robes, even when they went into battle and had to run and jump and roll. Harry shuddered at the memory.

So, Harry had spent a pleasant few days in Konoha. Although there wasn't much in the way of sights, Harry enjoyed it in the way he always enjoyed Diagon Alley. The strangeness of wizards – and ninjas - was a constant source of entertainment and amusement to him. Konoha had a pretty good hot springs district, too.

That was where Harry was at the moment, relaxing in a large hot bath, steam rising around him. He sank further down into the warm water, his eyes falling closed.

"Ah," he sighed in pure bliss. "This was definitely worth it."

After a few minutes of simply letting his mind drift, he found something niggling at his awareness. Trying to work out what it was, he reluctantly came back to full alertness. Suddenly it clicked. Very, very faintly, coming up the corridor towards his bath, Harry could hear… _giggling_?

_Huh. What?_

Suspiciously, keeping his eyes on the door, Harry felt around behind him until he had his wand in his hand. He waited, breathing silently, as the giggling stopped. It was a very strange sound. It sounded like a little girl, but no little girl Harry knew could convey the sort of suppressed glee that he had heard. A woman, then.

Now Harry couldn't hear anything, no matter how much he strained his ears, but he was definitely sensing a strong magical presence creeping up the corridor. Pulling himself out of the bath, he glided over to the door. He grimaced as he glanced down at the wand in his hand. Wands were great and all, but in a situation like this what he really needed was a heavy cast-iron frying pan.

The woman was outside the door, and Harry didn't breath, his back pressed to the wall, magic as suppressed as he could make it while still being ready to cast a spell with his next breath. And speaking of breathing, Harry was beginning to think longingly about it as the woman outside simply stood there. After a long moment, the door slid open a crack.

_She'll see I'm not there and run_, Harry realised, and instantly pulled the door open with a slam and stunned her.

Or tried to, at least. Somehow by the time the spell left Harry's wand, his attacker was no longer there. Harry apparated on reflex to the other side of the room, sweeping his wand across his body in a room-wide immobilization charm. It had little effect on his attacker, who crossed the room in slightly more than the blink of an eye this time. The difference was marginal, but it was plenty of time for Harry to apparate back to the door.

He and his attacker eyed each other carefully.

"You…" Harry said slowly, "…are not a woman."

The white-haired man scowled. "Right back at you, kid. What are you doing in the women's half of the baths?"

"Nothing," Harry said, "because this is the _men's_ half."

The man paused. "What, really?"

"Yes. _Really_."

The man gave him a disgusted look. "Then what did you attack me for? I sure didn't mean to spy on _you._"

"What, you were deliberately trying to spy on women in the bath? That's disgusting!" Harry couldn't help but imagine this white-haired old pervert spying on Ginny or Hermione, and felt sick. Then he imagined what they would do to him once they caught him, and smiled.

"What's so funny?" the man demanded.

"Not you," Harry snapped, losing his smile. "Get out of here, you pervert. I'm trying to relax."

The man drew himself up, and Harry realised with a start just how large he was. He was as tall as Ron, and a good deal broader. And fast, Harry reminded himself, and from the look of those muscles, a hell of a lot stronger than Harry would ever be.

_Note to self_, Harry thought. _In future, avoid picking fights with people twice your size. _

The older man was looking very put out. "What is wrong with children these days?" he asked the heavens. "Have they no respect for their elders?"

Harry nearly choked. The nerve…! "Aren't elders supposed to be wise and responsible?"

"I am responsible! I am the great-"

"The great peeping tom? You have some nerve-"

"-hermit of Toad Mountain, Jiraiya, merely here to relax after the rigours of my travels-"

"-strolling in here like you own the place – wait, Jiraiya?"

The old man struck a heroic pose. "You have heard of my exploits, I see."

Harry frowned. "Jiraiya, Jiraiya… where have I heard that name?"

"From hill to valley, from mountain to sea, the name 'Jiraiya' is synonymous with power, wisdom, cunning and above all-"

"Pornography!" Harry exclaimed.

"Well, I was going to say 'irresistible good looks', but…"

"No, no, you write those pornographic novels – the orange ones with 'ADULTS ONLY' plastered all over the covers."

"You're a fan?" Jiraiya gave Harry a wolfish grin. "Well, well. Who would have guessed? Aren't you a bit young?"

Harry gave him an annoyed look. "A) I'm twenty-two," he listed, ticking the points off on his fingers. "B) I'm not a fan. I just saw them in the bookshop. Oh, and C)? _Get out of my bath_."

"_Your_ bath," Jiraiya drawled.

Harry scowled at him. "Well, since you seem much more interested in spying on naked women than bathing, I doubt you're intending to join me. And if you're not intending to bathe, get out of the bath house."

Jiraiya waggled his eyebrows. "Shall I… _join_ you, then?" he leered. He very slowly and deliberately looked Harry up and down.

Harry glanced down, realised he was still naked, turned bright red and grabbed his towel, swearing foully.

Jiraiya threw his head back and laughed as Harry hastily wrapped the towel around his waist. Harry gave him a glare hot enough to melt steel, which Jiraiya easily shrugged off.

Still swearing under his breath, Harry conceded victory to the white-haired pervert and stalked out of the room, heading for the change room where he had left his clothes.

He made it halfway down the corridor before a large arm was slung over his shoulders, bushy white hair tickling his ear. Harry tried to jerk away, but Jiraiya had a firm grip on him, and was guiding him past the door to the change room and on down the corridor.

"What the hell-" was as far as Harry got before a large hand covered his mouth. Harry bit it on reflex, but Jiraiya only growled and tightened his grip.

"You, my boy," he muttered into Harry's ear, "are about to get a first hand demonstration of the pleasures of perversion."

Confused, Harry relaxed and let himself be manhandled along the hallway. It wasn't until he saw the sign that indicated they were entering the women's half of the baths that he realised what Jiraiya was about to do and began to struggle, but it only made Jiraiya speed up.

Soon they were outside the door to the women's baths and Jiraiya removed his hand. It was safe, because there was no way that Harry was making any noise right here. Harry jerked out of Jiraiya's hold and tried to escape the way they had come, but Jiraiya grabbed his wrist and he was jerked back.

_No, no, no_, Harry mouthed at Jiraiya, waving his free hand about frantically. _This is a very bad idea._ Although the thought of all those naked women was… no! Harry slapped himself upside the head. He was beginning to think that perversion was contagious.

Jiraiya looked at him quizzically, but seemed to get the general gist. With _his_ free hand he sketched out something that could, with a lot of imagination, have been a woman's curves and leered. Harry rolled his eyes, and Jiraiya took advantage of his distraction to drag him closer. Harry tried to dig his heels in, scrabbling around for something to hold onto, but to no avail. Jiraiya's superior strength easily overwhelmed Harry's half hearted resistance, and Harry found himself crouched outside the door to the women's baths with Jiraiya.

Slowly, very slowly, Jiraiya opened the door a crack. Steam billowed out, and Harry reflexively clamped his eyes shut. He waited for the inevitable screams of rage, but they never came. Instead, there was no sound at all.

After a minute, he slowly opened his eyes. There was an open door, and feet. A lot of them. As his eyes travelled upwards, he noted with purely academic interest that they were connected to naked female bodies, the possessors of which bodies were standing over him, hands on hips, feet tapping, and looking particularly inclined to violence.

Harry looked around quickly, but Jiraiya was long gone.

He looked back at the women, intending to explain, but somehow all that came out of his mouth was, "Oh, _shit_."

---

The next half hour need not be elaborated upon. Harry left. With haste. As he sat once more in his heavily warded inn room, licking his wounds, he decided that the crazy in Konoha was perhaps a bit _too_ crazy for his tastes.

He sidled out through the village gates just before they closed for the day. The sun had almost set, and the long shadows and dusky light distorted Harry's face enough that the female ninja on gate duty only gave him a hard look, as if wondering where she had seen him before.

Harry hurried out the gates, ducking his head. He didn't allow himself to relax or look back until he was half a mile down the road. When he did, the gates were closed and the road behind him was deserted. He sighed, and his body sagged with relief.

_I have the worst luck ever_, he thought fervently. How could he have been so unlucky as to choose the bathhouse apparently favoured by most of the shinobi population for his relaxing afternoon bath? And meeting that despicable man there, too…

_Well_, he thought, pulling himself together and looking without enthusiasm at the long road stretched out ahead of him, _there's no way I'm turning this into a hiking holiday._ He glanced up at the sky. It was true dark now, and the moon had yet to rise. He slipped an unobtrusive silver chain off his neck and, with a whispered word, the small charm that hung from it expanded into a full-sized racing broom.

Harry swung one leg over it, and then he was away. He swooped up high into the sky until the air became cold enough to sear his lungs, then dropped back down to fly at a more reasonable height, laughing aloud as the air whistled through his hair. He looked around. Apart from the large, brightly lit Konoha, the country side stretched out for miles without so much as a glimmer of light.

Except, no - Harry could see the faintest of glimmers, the very tiniest speck of light, far away on the horizon to his right. He checked his mental map, but he didn't think he had visited any place in that direction.

_Good enough for me_, he thought, and was unable to wipe the grin off his face at being able to go anywhere and do anything that took his fancy – no duties, no responsibilities, no one waiting for him. _This is so cool_, he thought with the giddiness of a kid, and he was off.

---

Coincidentally, Jiraiya was also thinking about his strange meeting in the bathhouse at that exact point in time, in the spacious, comfortable office that the Godaime Hokage currently worked in.

Well, sometimes. Right now, she had a bottle of sake in her hand and her feet up on the table, creating a mess of paperwork that would no doubt reduce her secretaries to tears the next morning. Jiraiya was perched on one of the large, open windows, enjoying the night breeze, although he had at least restricted himself to one cup of sake at a time.

"So, this guy was dangerous?" Tsunade asked.

Jiraiya thought it over. "Strong, yes. Dangerous? No, I don't think so. He didn't seem keen to make trouble. I asked around, too, and he's been here a few days. No major fights, no sniffing around for secrets. A fairly personable guy, apparently."

"Papers?"

"Said he was a traveller from Stone."

"What?!"

"Yeah, almost definitely faked, or I'd really be suspicious. And he can't know much about shinobi politics to come waltzing into Hidden Leaf with Hidden Stone papers."

"With Stone papers, he shouldn't have been allowed to set foot in Konoha without my express permission." Tsunade had put her feet on the floor, and was sitting up straight, looking angry.

"That's the thing, isn't it?" Jiraiya paused for effect and took a sip of sake, rolling it around his mouth before swallowing. "The shinobi on gate shift that day swear they saw your seal on his papers."

Tsunade's eyebrows rose and she gave him a hard look. Apparently judging him truthful, she grunted and settled back into her chair. "Huh. And you think someone who can pull that off isn't dangerous? How exactly did you get rid off him?"

Jiraiya leered. "Well, we happened to meet in the Sweet Scent bathhouse-"

Tsunade's punch missed him by an inch, hitting only air. "Thanks for the sake, old friend," he called back over his shoulder, grinning as he disappeared into the night.

"Goddamn pervert," Tsunade growled to herself as she returned to her desk. She stared at the mess and the half full bottle of sake, and suddenly grinned herself.

_Heh. At least now I don't have to share._

* * *

_A/N: ...I'm very very sorry? It's been an awfully long time. I had the worst case of writer's block ever over this stupid chapter. Thank you so much for all your reviews - I'd probably have given up without them. Thanks in particular to kirallie for her help. I'll try to be quicker with the next chapter._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The road wound ever on. Or, to be more precise, there were roads, and there was Harry, and sometimes the two happened to meet. Sometimes, they happened to meet more than once.

Harry stared up at the harmless white sign and strongly suppressed the urge to set it on fire.

"Why?" he asked the uncaring sky. "I once made my way alone from France to London with a knife, a faked passport, three potatoes and half an army on my heels. Why can I not find a place I only left three weeks ago?"

The road sign gleamed in the bright sun, seemingly mocking Harry's pain.

Harry looked around hopelessly. There was no one in sight that he could ask directions of, and even if there had been, he had realised over the past few days that the Village Hidden Amongst the Leaves really was, well, a Hidden Village. No one seemed to know exactly where it was. The only way to find it was to be a paying customer, and for that you needed papers, and Harry had no papers. Well, none he wanted subjected to close scrutiny, anyway.

It was very annoying. He rummaged around in his pack and got out the message he was supposed to be delivering. He stared at it, but the innocuous white paper and red seal gave nothing away.

"Deliver this to my man in Konoha," the small-time yakuza boss in Star Country had said coolly as his bodyguards loomed menacingly behind Harry, and since it was either that or pay for the damages the riot had caused (long story, long story, and it really _wasn't_ Harry's fault – he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time) Harry had agreed.

He'd thought it would be easy. Unfortunately, it was really hard to long-distance Apparate to a place when you didn't know where it was on a map, but Harry had flown away from it, so he'd thought it would be no problem to fly back.

It had slipped his mind that he had left Konoha under cover of darkness, and so had no idea of where it was in relation to major landmarks. And so now here he was, standing at a crossroads somewhere he was pretty sure was not more than 10 miles from Konoha, staring at a sign that he'd seen three times in three days.

Harry turned around and sat down with a huff. If he really was close to Konoha, then if he waited long enough he'd definitely see a ninja sooner or later, and then he could follow them home.

_Like a lost puppy_, Harry thought, his mood improving now that he had a workable plan. He amused himself by imagining transforming into a kitten and mewling piteously until someone picked him up, but he'd never mastered the animagus transformation, and anyway, he'd probably have been a toad or something ugly like that.

Soon Harry began to grow bored though. He stared around at the green fields, interrupted only by the occasional white picket fence or cow grazing meditatively. It was a peaceful sight, the sort of scene you saw on postcards. It reminded Harry of home.

It was also dead boring. Within five minutes Harry was imagining that the black cows were enemies and the brown cows were allies, and drawing out battle plans in the dirt of the road. Then he realised that that was kind of indiscreet, so he scuffed it out and pulled out a pack of cards.

He whiled away the hours playing every type of solitaire he knew (and he'd been in the Army, so he knew a lot). As the sun began to sink in the sky, and still there was no sign of any ninjas, Harry began to wonder if he had made a mistake. When he began to consider other options, however, he had to admit that there weren't many. Many good ones, at least. If he was really desperate, there were a lot of illegal and/or immoral things he could do that would get him into Konoha, but some message from a stranger wasn't nearly excuse enough for that.

At last, Harry's patience was rewarded when a trio of figures appeared on the road, just as the day began to fade into dusk. Harry quickly shuffled his cards together and shoved them in his pocket as he leapt up, waving enthusiastically.

The figures slowed perceptibly when he waved, but even still they soon resolved into two men and a woman.

"Hello!" Harry called as soon as they were in ear shot. "Excuse me!"

The trio approached warily. They were dressed as civilians, farmers perhaps – Harry wasn't very familiar with the clothing of the different classes around here – but the way they moved was distinctly martial.

"Yes?" the shorter of the two men asked. "Can I help you?"

"Well, I hope so," Harry said with what he hoped was a charming smile. "I'm afraid I'm a bit lost, you see. I'm looking for the Village Hidden Amongst the Leaves."

The trio exchanged very suspicious looks. "Is that so?" the woman murmured.

"I'm afraid we can't help you. We're headed to Aoyama ourselves. For the market tomorrow, you know," the shorter man explained.

"Oh, yes, of course," Harry said, even as every instinct in him screamed LIE. Then, just to be difficult, he frowned in apparent confusion and said. "But that's odd, now that I think about it. Isn't the market in Aoyama only on the first and third Sunday of every month?"

Both the taller man and the woman tensed, but the shorter man remained relaxed. "Oh, it used to be, but it's every Sunday now," he said casually.

Harry let his face fall into a set expression. "No, I was there only last week, and I'm sure they said there was no market tomorrow." He was lying through his teeth, of course, never having heard of the market in Aoyama, but it pained him to let such poor liars off the hook.

He regretted his little piece of malicious trouble-making when he immediately had to dodge out of the way of a kunai.

"Hey, hey," he exclaimed, holding his hands up to protest, "it was just a disagreement. I didn't mean to offend you or anything," but it was too late. The trio, now obviously ninjas from the way they moved, were surrounding him with weapons drawn.

They didn't say anything, which worried Harry more than the weapons. Silence generally meant well-trained when it came to ninjas – or wizards, for that matter. He'd have been a lot more confident if they'd been yelling threats.

Obviously the most sensible option here would be to apparate away, Harry thought as he dodged a few more testing shuriken. What reason was there to fight if he didn't have to?

Well. Except for the fun of it, of course.

Harry's wand was already held loosely in his hand as he kept the two men in his range of vision and tracked the woman behind him by her magical aura. There was a reckless grin on his face.

The shorter man attacked first, but before he got more than two steps towards Harry a whip of raw energy slammed into him and knocked him violently away. He had only been cover for the woman behind's attack through, and Harry dropped to the ground as a flying kick passed over his head. Her other foot caught him awkwardly in the small of his back as she adjusted to his move, though, and Harry winced. Awkward or not, there was enough power behind that kick to make his rune-bound shield shudder. One more hit like that and it would be down.

Harry hit the woman with a stunner as she passed overhead, but not before she had turned in the air and released a handful of shuriken at him. Harry used the downstroke of his wand at the end of the Stunning Spell to magically swipe them away.

The taller man had used the woman's unconscious tumble out of the air as cover for his lunge, and Harry barely rolled out of the way in time, reversing his wand in his hand to slide it across the man's torso as he went past. The wand came away from the torso as if being wrenched out of sticky mud, and Harry just caught a glimpse of the man's chest bursting open in a shower of blood before the man's momentum carried him past Harry and heavily to the ground.

That meant one unconscious, one badly injured and… the shorter man had recovered and got to his feet, although he looked a bit unsteady and very shaken.

"If you run now you won't die," Harry said matter-of-factly.

The man hesitated, looking at his team-mates. His will broke, though, and he turned and ran. He didn't get far. Before he was halfway down the road he suddenly froze on the spot.

Harry, who had been in the process of slipping his wand back into its holder, retrieved it again and held it ready.

A tall man appeared seemingly out of nowhere to knock the frozen man out with a chop to the back of the neck. Harry's attacker flopped to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut, only to be caught and slung over the tall newcomer's shoulder.

Two more figures appeared, shorter than the first, and they all approached Harry warily. As they came closer, he saw that they were dressed as shinobi of Konoha. There was the tall, broad shouldered man, and two teenagers.

"Hello," Harry greeted them first. "Sorry, were these friends of yours?"

"Far from it," the tall man said. "Yours?"

"Hardly," Harry said with a thin smile. "They said they were going to the Aoyama markets, and when I said there was no market this week, they attacked me." He shrugged, inviting the ninjas to share his bemusement. "Just like that, out of the blue."

The ninjas didn't look convinced. One of the teenagers – a chubby boy with swirls on his cheeks – asked the other, "Isn't there a market at Aoyama every Sunday?"

"Yeah," the other, a blonde girl, said, "I'm pretty sure there's one tomorrow."

Harry waved the correction off. "Even if I was wrong, that was no reason to attack me."

"…uh huh," said the man, but he sounded more interested than suspicious now. "Well, whatever the reason, these people were spies, so we'll take them off your hands. If you don't have any further use for them," he added politely.

"No, no. Go ahead."

The teenagers moved to pick up the other attackers. The blonde girl began to carefully bind the chest of the injured man, though from the expression on her face Harry suspected that it was more to avoid getting blood on her clothes than out of pity.

As the teenagers were doing that, the dark-haired man said, "So, where were you headed?"

"Oh!" Harry exclaimed. "I forgot. I have to deliver a message to a man in Konoha, but I'm lost. Do you suppose…"

"I'd be happy to," the man said instantly. "I'd quite like you to come with me when I deliver these guys, now that you mention it. Just to get your side of the story."

Actually, the man was being very relaxed about that. Harry had thought that it would be more of a 'you're coming with me one way or another' thing. Although perhaps the man was just being diplomatic.

In which case, it was working. Harry didn't respond at all well to threats, but he was happy to comply with a politely worded request. "Sure. Sounds like that will work out for all of us," he said easily. "Do you need a hand, then?"

"We're fine," the chubby boy assured him cheerfully, holding the now bound, unconscious woman easily.

The girl grimaced as she hefted the man. "This is really gross, though," she complained. "Let's hurry. I don't want to be holding him if he dies."

Harry was a little amazed – and more than a little impressed – by how unfazed the girl was. From her appearance, he'd have picked her for a fluttery girly girl.

Which just served him right for making assumptions based on appearances. He should know better by now.

Once they were settled, the ninjas headed off, and Harry did his best to follow. Even though they clearly weren't moving at full speed, Harry still had to focus on using his magic to speed himself up. It wasn't difficult, exactly, but it was a use of magic he'd never seen before he came here and he still wasn't very good at it. In this dimension, even barely-graduated ninjas augmented their strength and speed without thinking, it was trained into them from such a young age.

Which could be a disadvantage in itself, Harry thought to himself, and made a mental note of it. That was the sort of strategic advantage that could turn the tide of a fight.

Harry was still thinking about that when they abruptly came to the edge of the forest and he found himself facing Konoha's imposing walls. He must have been even closer than he realised. He followed the ninjas as they skirted around the walls to the right. Konoha was a large town, but even still, it took less than ten minutes to reach the gates from where they were.

As they ran, Harry couldn't help but say, "I can't believe Konoha was so close, yet I just couldn't find it."

The taller man glanced back over his shoulder at Harry, a half grin on his face. "We're not called a Hidden Village for nothing, you know. We have our defences."

Oh. _Oh._ Harry felt like a complete idiot now. He hadn't even thought to look for illusions when he kept getting lost so easily. It was a good thing it was dark enough that none of the ninjas would be able to see the embarrassed flush rising on his face. How humiliating, to be caught making such a rookie mistake.

Apparently this whole 'holiday' business was really dulling his edge.

The soon came to the gates of Konoha. They were still open, and warm light spilled out of them. It was a welcoming sight.

The ninjas went through the gates first and the tall man had a quick word with the gate guards. Harry assumed that short conversation was why the guards didn't ask to see his papers. Instead, as his shinobi escort waited patiently, he gave them his name, date of birth and country of origin (Star Country – the only false information he gave them).

As he signed his name in the register of visitors, the tall man of Harry's escort said suddenly, "Potter?"

Harry finished signing and turned to look at him. "Yeah, that's me. Sorry, I haven't caught your names."

"Sarutobi Asuma," the tall man introduced himself, then gestured to the teenagers. "Blondie is Yamanaka Ino. Chub- Big-boned is Akimichi Chouji. Say, you weren't in Sound Country about five years ago, were you?"

Harry thought back. That was about the time when they had been getting their arses kicked by Orochimaru. "Yeah, actually-" and then something clicked in his mind. "Wait, you're _that_ Sarutobi? Hah, no way! What a small world!"

Now that they were in the light, the tall man did look familiar. They had run into each other in Sound Country back when Harry was seventeen, when Harry, Ron and Hermione had been cornered by a group of Sound ninjas. Sarutobi had burst in on the battle with _more_ Sound ninjas hot on his tail, and it had all descended into a fiasco.

It was a lot funnier in retrospect than it had been at the time, that was for sure. But they had all survived, and high-tailed it out of Sound Country together, finally splitting up at the border. Harry had occasionally wondered whether Sarutobi had made it back to his home village safely.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Sarutobi said, but there was a look of consternation on his face. "Are your team mates here, too?"

Harry shook his head. "No, I left them at home this time."

"Well, that's something," Sarutobi muttered, then said more loudly, "Look, I'm sorry about this, but would you mind coming to see the Hokage with me? Otherwise I'm going to be in big trouble for letting a high-ranking foreign ninja into the village."

"I'm not a ninja," Harry protested immediately, but Sarutobi dismissed that with a jerk of his head.

"Or ninja equivalent," the older man said impatiently. "I really have to insist."

Harry gave him a hard look. "Threatening me will not help your cause at all," he said coolly, but then relaxed. "But I've already said I'll go with you to turn these guys in, so I guess there's no harm. I'm not here to make trouble."

"Right. Thanks," Sarutobi said, none too warmly, and the surrounding ninjas relaxed, removing their hands from their weapons. "Let's go, then."

Harry trailed after Sarutobi and his team through the brightly lit streets of Konoha, noticing with amusement as he did the way three ninjas carrying three unconscious bodies didn't even rate a second glance from most people.

As Harry walked, he touched the innocent looking scroll sitting in his pocket. It was proving to be far more trouble than it was worth. Honestly, what were the odds of running into the one ninja who would recognise him from his first visit to the Elemental Countries? He hadn't even known that Sarutobi was a shinobi of Konoha.

Harry sighed. He had a sinking feeling that this holiday was about to get messy.

* * *

_A/N: Well, this didn't take as long as the last chapter. And it's longer, too! So at least I'm improving? -shifts guiltily- Anyway, in case anyone hadn't worked it out, this isn't Deathly Hallows-compliant. I may use background information from that book, but probably nothing major. So! Thank you all very much for your encouragement and your patience. Every review makes me extremely happy, even though I'm bad about replying to them._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

And so Harry found himself back in Konoha. Although he had not entirely anticipated the circumstances of his arrival (under armed guard, surrounded by dead bodies), he still thought it was better than wandering around the countryside, no matter how picturesque it had been. For one thing, he reckoned he had a pretty fair chance of getting a hot meal and dry bed tonight, which was really all anyone could ask for from life.

_Ah_, he thought, as he caught Sarutobi's hands flickering through discrete signs, and the answering alertness on the parts of the guards stationed around the nondescript building they were delivering the bodies too. _That is, assuming I'm not in jail by tonight. I doubt shinobi jails are any more pleasant than our own._

He could hardly turn back at this point, though, and so he grinned and bore it - metaphorically, at least. He figured grinning like a loony wasn't going to help his cause at this point, so he limited himself to a polite smile.

As they walked from there towards the monument, with extra armed guards who just happened to be walking in the same direction, Harry asked Sarutobi, "So, am I going to get in trouble? Is it illegal for me to be here or something?"

Sarutobi took another draw on his cigarette, then let the smoke out slowly. "Depends on what you intend to do."

"I'm on holiday," Harry said, and Sarutobi glanced at him. "What? I can't get a minute's peace at home. I went to the beach for a week and some idiots tried to sneak a bomb onto the room service cart. Thought they were James Bond or something." Harry grinned a little at the memory.

"What about your war?"

"Over," Harry said, waving the concern away. "And about time too. Some people just never know when to give up."

"And you're here looking for them?"

"What?"

"The people who won't give up."

"I said I'm on holiday," Harry said impatiently. "For god's sake, you're as bad as Hermione. I'm not working, I have no intention of working, I haven't had a break in five bloody years. Is that so unreasonable?"

Sarutobi made a noncommittal noise around his cigarette, and Harry resisted the urge to hit him. Bad idea, hitting ninjas. He'd already worked that much out.

"So, what brings you to Konoha?" the blonde girl asked from Harry's other side - what was her name? Yamanaka.

"Oh, I have a message to deliver." At the girl's artful look of confusion, Harry sighed. "Long story, seriously. It's just a favour for a guy I met."

"Who is the message for?" Sarutobi asked, regaining control of the conversation. Harry caught out of the corner of his eye the approving look Sarutobi sent at Yamanaka. "Maybe we can direct you."

What was it with ninjas and interrogations? It was starting to get on Harry's nerves. On principle, he said vaguely, "Oh, that's okay. I think I know where to go."

"You don't sound very sure," the fat kid said, and Harry mentally awarded him a point. There was no weight on that comment – it was as casual an observation as anyone could hope for.

He still wasn't in the mood to reward it, though. "I'll be okay," he said, looking up and around. He didn't recognise the area, and he wondered where he was being taken. Changing the subject, he said, "So, please tell me we don't have to climb those stairs."

His escort took their eyes off him, looking ahead at the thousands of zig-zagging stairs that led up the side of the mountain that overlooked Konoha.

Sarutobi chuckled. "Well, normally we would, but as it happens we have good timing. We're going in here." He gestured to the large building in front of them. It was round, and red, with the sign for 'Fire' emblazoned on a sign near the top, and Harry was pretty sure he'd seen it on his sightseeing tour last time.

Which reminded him, he'd better not let on that he'd been in Konoha before, if they were going to make such a fuss about it. God, what had been written on his papers? Had he said he was a local? No, no, Harry chided himself. What was the use in panicking? No one seemed inclined to kill him so far, and why would they be, anyway? He was just a friendly traveller, boosting their economy by spending his hard earned cash on souvenirs and fast food.

With this sort of mental encouragement, he managed to get himself into an appropriately confident mood by the time they arrived outside a large, heavy double door, ready to segue into injured innocence at any moment.

"Names?" one of the masked door guards asked.

"Sarutobi Asuma-jounin with guest," Sarutobi replied crisply. They had left the two teenagers outside.

The door guard who had spoken paused, then nodded. "You're expected. Please go ahead."

"Thank you," Sarutobi said, and pushed open one of the doors, holding it open for Harry. Harry glanced around the room as he walked in. It was obviously a working office. There were various desks set up, most covered in piles of papers and pens, but no one sat at them. The room was empty except for four more masked guards and a beautiful, blonde young woman.

It took Harry a moment to place the face as the one that overlooked the city on their big mountain monument, just because she looked so damn young. The way people talked, he'd been expecting a middle-aged woman.

She also had really big breasts - not that Harry would be distracted by anything so petty about a possible enemy. Making sure that his eyes were kept firmly above neck level, he followed Sarutobi into the room.

The Hokage looked relaxed, but the look she gave him was assessing. "Good afternoon," she said. "I don't believe we've met before."

"No, ma'am," Harry said politely. "My name's Potter Harry. It's an honour."

"So, you're an old friend of Asuma's?" she asked, and Harry tilted his head slightly.

"Um, that might be stretching the relationship a bit. We ran into each other once, about five years ago."

"Oh, is that so? It's impressive you recognised each other after so long."

"Ah, yeah," Harry said, who hadn't recognised Sarutobi at all. "Right."

"And what a coincidence that you would run in to each other like that!"

"Yeah," Harry said, since there was really no other possible answer. "It was, I guess. I don't really know many ninjas."

"Oh? Which ones do you know?" the Hokage asked. Harry wasn't enjoying himself much. This felt way too much like an interrogation for his sakes, and those masks were creeping him out. He felt very strongly that the only people who hid their faces were those who had something to hide – and he wasn't talking acne.

"I met a guy in Star Country called, um, Enzaki? But I think he was at least partially retired, because he was running an inn."

The Hokage steepled her fingers together. "I see."

The silence stretched out ominously, but Harry really didn't know what she expected him to say. "Um, I'm sorry, but why am I here? I only came to Konoha to drop off a message. It won't take more than ten minutes, then I can leave."

"A message," the Hokage said, and it wasn't a question.

"Yes," Harry replied, with a little more snap than he intended.

"Your papers," she snapped in reply, holding out her hand imperiously.

Harry stared at it. "Yeah. Well. About that."

The Hokage arched one aristocratic eyebrow. "Do you mean to tell me that you have entered Konoha with the proper authorisation?"

Harry mentally apologised for what he was about to do, then dobbed Sarutobi in without the slightest hesitation. "He invited me," he said, pointing at the jounin.

"Yes, I'll be speaking to him about that."

Harry felt a little guilty when Sarutobi winced – but not very. Dog eat dog and all that. Instead, he spread his hands in broad appeal and asked, "What do you want me to do? I don't want to make trouble."

The Hokage leaned her chin on her hand and looked Harry over. He suddenly had the strong impression that she wasn't sure what to do with him herself. "And what do you plan to do after you leave Konoha?" she asked.

Harry shrugged. "Eh, who knows. I go where the wind takes me."

"How romantic," the Hokage said dryly. "You'll forgive me if I'm not reassured."

"Of course," Harry assured her. "I never hold a grudge." As the temperature of the surrounding air fell sharply, Harry decided that that might have been a bit flippant. "What I meant to say was," he said, holding his hands up in conciliation, "that I'm having trouble seeing a way out of this mess. You don't want me to stay, you don't want me to go… I mean, you've gotta choose one."

Without thought, he had fallen back on a boyish persona – opening his eyes wider, pitching his voice higher, slouching a little like he hadn't grown into his body yet. It wasn't hard – his teenage years weren't that far behind him.

He wasn't sure whether it was working, because the Hokage's eyes were rock steady, and all joking aside, they were beginning to make Harry really uncomfortable. He mentally revised upwards his estimation of her – he had known, of course, that she was crazy strong, but he now put her down in the small and exclusive category of 'crazy strong and _dangerous_', filed under the broader category of 'people who aren't your friend but haven't tried to kill you yet'.

"To be honest, Potter-san," the Hokage said, leaning her chin on her hand, "I think you're lying to me, and the only reason I can see that someone would enter Konoha, lying about their background, lying about their motivations-"

"I'm not lying!" At the resounding silence that followed, Harry took a deep breath and said in a more measured tone, "I'm not lying. I have spoken nothing but the truth since I entered Konoha, and I understand your concerns, but I am offended that you have accused me of lying without any proof."

As if she had been waiting for this, the Hokage smiled thinly and swivelled a piece of paper on her desk around, pushing it across towards Harry. He walked forward, aware of Sarutobi at his back, the masked ninjas in front, and feeling the intensity of their attention as a physical weight.

He looked down at the piece of paper. It was a photo of him entering Konoha, dated a month ago. Harry inspected it, then glanced up at the Hokage. "Well?"

"And how do you explain this?"

"I visited Konoha last month," Harry said, and shrugged. "I stayed at the Blue Swallow. They probably have records. And, yes," he said, holding up a hand to forestall the Hokage when she opened her mouth to speak, "I didn't have any papers so I forged some to get in, but I didn't do anything bad."

"I don't know where you come from, kid," the Hokage snapped, dropping the forced politeness, "but around here forging papers _is_ something bad."

"I'm not from around here," Harry said instantly, defensively, "and I didn't have any papers and I don't know anyone. How else was I supposed to get in?"

The Hokage rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. I hate arrogant little shits like you." ("Hey," Harry objected very quietly.) "Authorised papers mean that you have permission to enter our village. If you don't have papers, you can stay the hell out. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," Harry promised.

The Hokage looked at him. "Potter, has it occurred to you yet that you could be executed for this? You have no papers, after all. Odds are you're probably a spy."

"I'm not a spy," Harry sighed. "But yes, I'm aware I'm in a dangerous situation."

The Hokage rubbed the bridge of her nose. "And does that worry you?"

"Of course," Harry answered, surprised. "I'd like to get this cleared up as soon as possible."

She looked past Harry, at Sarutobi standing behind him. "Is he crazy, or just stupid?" she asked.

Harry glanced back at him as Sarutobi replied, his pleasant baritone sounding rueful, "Just a little crazy, I think. His teammates were like this too, from what I remember."

Harry was feeling more than a little lost. "…I'm sorry?" he said. "I'm not really following."

The Hokage sighed heavily, and some of the tension left the room. She leaned forward on her desk. "Let me guess. You were a ridiculously talented ninja as a boy, promoted early, probably stronger than most people you know."

Harry blinked. "Actually, yeah. I mean, no, not at all, because I'm _not a ninja_, and how many times do I have to say it? But I can see what you're getting at."

"Right. And I bet you break rules left right and centre, and you're just good enough to get away with it."

"…Yeah. Usually. I've been arrested a couple of times, but they let me go."

The Hokage nodded, looking vindicated. "Uh huh. And so when you see that something is forbidden by law in a foreign country, you're first response isn't, 'I'm in somebody else's home so I'd better respect their rules', it's 'how annoying. How can I get around it?'"

Harry didn't reply.

The Hokage apparently took his silence for agreement, as she nodded slightly. "Well, I'm not unreasonable," she said, in a calmer tone. "Since you didn't cause any trouble last time, I'll let you have a temporary visa, _but_," holding up a hand to forestall Harry's comment, "on the condition that you remain under constant supervision."

She looked past Harry again and said, "Asuma, I think you can take responsibility for that, under the circumstances."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Sarutobi murmured, with only the faintest hint of chagrin.

"And you have my full and unreserved permission to kill Potter if he tries anything."

Harry was glad that Sarutobi at least hesitated, but all the jounin said was, "I'll certainly try, Hokage-sama."

"Good. Now you can both get lost, and tell the admins to get their arses back in here."

"Yes, ma'am," Sarutobi said, and Harry was so damn happy to follow him out.

"You can pick up your visa tomorrow morning, Potter," the harpy called after them. "And don't make me regret this."

"No, ma'am," he called back over his shoulder, and hurried after Sarutobi out into the hallway.

They walked in silence out through the corridors, Harry too lost in thought to be bothered by the open stares they were getting from uniformed ninjas who inhabited the building. When they exited, though, the fresh air and sunlight shook him out of his reverie.

He turned to Sarutobi and demanded, "How could you not have warned me?!"

Sarutobi gave him a dry look. "What, that you were breaking the law?"

"No, that the Hokage was so freaking scary! My _god_, she puts McGonagall to shame, and believe me, McGonagall is not a woman I ever want to cross."

Sarutobi was smiling faintly.

Harry sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Anyway, what now? Do I have to go to jail or something until I get my visa?"

"Well, if you're so keen on it…" Sarutobi trailed off, still smirking as he lit a new cigarette and took a drag. He was looking much more relaxed now. "No, there's no need for that. You can stay at my place if you like."

Harry looked at him. "…thanks," he said suspiciously. "That's awfully generous of you."

"I am an awfully generous person – seriously, I've got to keep you under twenty-four hour watch anyway. I may as well do it in comfort."

"And you're not worried I'll, you know, strangle you while you sleep?"

"Right back at you, kiddo," Sarutobi said around his cigarette, and Harry pulled a horrified face at the nickname.

"Are you joking? How old do you think I am?"

Sarutobi looked him over thoughtfully, and guessed, "Sixteen?"

"_Sixteen?!_ – oh, you arsehole," he grumbled when he saw the way Sarutobi's lips were quirking. "I was older than that the first time I met you."

"If you say so," Sarutobi murmured, and turned, completely unaffected by Harry's glare. "Come on, I'll show you where I live."

* * *

_Thanks to kirallie for the beta._


End file.
